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We all understand that it is in types highest good to grieve the loss of the relationship. Healthier suffering produces thoughts as opposed to letting them get caught within the body. Healthy grief allows the griever to heal losing and proceed with life. Yet despair isn't always therapeutic. Most of us have known individuals who were stuck in their grief, not able to progress in their lives and seemingly locked into the past. What is the distinction between those who feel their suffering and move ahead and those who get stuck inside it? The difference is based on what they think they have lost. When people believe they have lost their source of love, their grief may feel unending. H have been in a relationship with Samantha when Samantha chose to end the relationship. Gary was devastated. Identify supplementary information on our favorite partner web page - Hit this webpage:  [http://www.aihcp.org/ceu-program-grief-pet-loss.htm become a certified pet loss grief counselor] . In this relationship, like in his past connections, Gary was a taker always hoping to get love but struggling to give love or share love. Samantha gave him a lot of love, but she often felt very unhappy with him. Gary was devastated because his source of love was gone when she left. He wasn't grieving the loss in Samantha as someone he loved. He was grieving the lack of her love for him. He was grieving as a lost wounded son or daughter rather than being a loving person. As a result, Gary became caught in his suffering. He was stuck in feeling such as for instance a victim stuck in me. Gary had never done the internal work to build up an adult element of himself that could carry love to himself and share it with others. He felt lost, abandoned, and hurt. No matter how much he cried, no healing occurred. Since he was leaving himself, he just continued to feel alone and despairing. Sometimes he was angry at Samantha for leaving him and other times he was angry at himself for not being a better partner. He had many regrets that affected him, and a consistent internal chorus was, If only I'd If only I had paid attention to her more, probably she wouldnt have gone. If perhaps I had told her how beautiful she's, probably she wouldnt have gone. Joe, on the other hand, was in deep grief over the death of his beloved wife, Beth. He'd loved Beth with his full heart and he missed her terribly. However Franks grief was completely different than Garys grief. Frank missed Beths laugh. He missed her joy, her looking after people, her sense of wonder. He missed her being a individual, and he missed having the ability to share his love with her. Joe had no regrets because he'd not been a taker. He had loved Beth absolutely and was deeply grateful for the time he had with her. But Frank was really great. His suffering came in waves, and he cried when it came. Then it washed through and he was fine again. Frank was fine because Beth hadn't been the origin of his sense of self. Joe had a powerful warm interior person who was associated with a religious source of love and knowledge. This was his Source, not Beth. Joe was someone who took full responsibility for his or her own pain and pleasure. He'd never made Beth in charge of his feelings or his wellbeing. He can skip Beth and grieve for her without feeling offended, lost, abandoned and alone, because he'd never abandoned himself. Gary, on-the other hand, was not great, no matter how much despair he released, because Samantha had been his Way to obtain love, his Higher Power. He had passed to her the work of understanding his sense of self, then when she left, all he could feel was forgotten. Gary had approved his Inner Daughter or son his feeling self to Samantha. He'd made Samantha accountable for his feelings, so he felt like an abandoned daughter or son, when she left. His Way to obtain love had opted away. Because Frank knew how to love himself, he knew how to love others. In just a few years, Frank was in another loving relationship. H found still another connection within six months of losing Samantha, and six months next was again alone. Until Gary decides to-learn to take responsibility for his own feelings and needs, he will likely continue to lose relationship after relationship, and continue to be stuck in feeling like a target of the ladies in his life.The American Academy of Grief Counseling 2400 Niles-Cortland Rd. SE Suite 4 Warren Ohio 44484 Email: info@aihcp.org Phone: 330-652-7776 website: www.aihcp.org